due to some cosmic shift that I’m sure the astrology girlies have an answer for, the last seven days of January go on for approximately two straight months.
it’s not even like the weather has been particularly bad! don’t fact check me (*sound of gun being cocked* ever.), but I’m pretty sure this was a warmer January than Minnesota is used to. so I should, in theory, not be doing as mentally poorly as I objectively am.
ah yeah, for anyone who doesn’t know, I’m from Minnesota. if you didn’t know that, honestly that’s kinda shocking because it’s one of the first things Minnesotans like to tell you about themselves. followed closely by some humble brag about surviving the winters. which is why I thought it would be fitting to have my first post be about the weather. small talk, and what not.
we’re still getting to know each other…surely you didn’t expect my deepest thoughts right off the bat?
right, so. I don’t know if it’s like this everywhere, but here there’s a very distinct, slow descent into madness after new years. especially during the last week of january when it feels like we’ve gone through three winters already. everyone’s like, slightly unhinged right now in a way that’s not polite to comment on but, nevertheless, we’re all aware of. for example:
I went to target yesterday because it’s one of the few places where I know everyone will be wearing a mask, and also because of course I did, I’m (say it with me now) Minnesotan. and I went into the pickle aisle and I stared at the pickles for probably, I don’t know, five minutes? I’m not sure. time doesn’t flow correctly in target. but I was zoned out, staring at the pickles, thinking of the last time I bought some (summer time, for a picnic with my friend Trista because she loves them), which made me nostalgic for warmth, so I started thinking about what I’m hoping I can do this summer (new variant notwithstanding), which made me think of my friends (most of whom I haven’t seen in a few weeks thanks to miss omicron), which made me tear up.
so I’m in target, crying at the pickles as I finally pick up a jar and place it in my cart. only to remember that I don’t really like pickles. so I take the jar and place it back.
peak unhinged january vibes.
this is my 28th winter here, okay. I’m not new to the mid-aisle target breakdowns, or the shameful shuffle up to the customer service counter to return the air fryer I convinced myself I’d use even though I literally got hamburguesas el gordo the same night I brought it home. the depression isn’t new. but the isolation is. the stress of watching my friends get sick and wondering when/if myself or my family will get sick too. it’s my second pandemic january and I haven’t gotten used to this. I don’t think I can.
so if you see me, crying in some retail giant, please know that I’m absolutely not okay. but I will be, eventually. once january ends and I can buy pickles for my friends again.
reading these posts costs $0 but if you wanna buy me a coffee and support me tipping my baristas handsomely for keeping me alive over the past year, please do!