Ugh yes to all of this. Thankfully I am surrounded mostly by people who don't seem to let themselves be bothered by my decision not to have kids, but I still spend a lot of time thinking about parenthood and analyzing all of the whys and why-nots, both for my partner and I as well as for the collective. It's really hard to watch family dynamics when it's clear that the parents did not do the work of questioning their beliefs and reasons before making their choice (though I can understand that it's a relatively new concept to even consider not doing it). Thankful as always for your perspective!
Definitely a relatively new concept! I was talking to my mom about having kids recently, and I cited how busy my partner is with work/grad school and that it would effectively make me a single mom if I had a kid right now. She was stunned. She's been (imo) a single parent for the entirety of her life, even while married, and she had never considered how that can be true. My heart really feels for the generations before us who weren't encouraged to consider the whys and question having kids.
Thank you for this piece! It so thoughtful and beautiful compiles so many elements related to collective perceptions and beliefs around children in a way I’ve never been able to find quite the right words for.
When I share that I’m not having children, I’m far too often met with the deeply unsettling response of, “well you have to at least try!” As though we are discussing ordering a new ice cream favor, a purchase that you can return, or accepting a new job or business venture. (Though there would actually be more discussion about the latter than having children as you pointed out, despite employment or your career path not being permanent.)
These days that response mostly comes from strangers or temporary acquaintances, so the simple yet powerful response of, “no, they are permanent independent people” will now be at the ready.
Absolutely. I get similar responses from people outside of my close circle. I love to remind people that it's a permanent decision nobody should be convinced, coerced, or talked into making. "No does not mean convince me" applies here as well!
Ugh yes to all of this. Thankfully I am surrounded mostly by people who don't seem to let themselves be bothered by my decision not to have kids, but I still spend a lot of time thinking about parenthood and analyzing all of the whys and why-nots, both for my partner and I as well as for the collective. It's really hard to watch family dynamics when it's clear that the parents did not do the work of questioning their beliefs and reasons before making their choice (though I can understand that it's a relatively new concept to even consider not doing it). Thankful as always for your perspective!
Definitely a relatively new concept! I was talking to my mom about having kids recently, and I cited how busy my partner is with work/grad school and that it would effectively make me a single mom if I had a kid right now. She was stunned. She's been (imo) a single parent for the entirety of her life, even while married, and she had never considered how that can be true. My heart really feels for the generations before us who weren't encouraged to consider the whys and question having kids.
Thank you for this piece! It so thoughtful and beautiful compiles so many elements related to collective perceptions and beliefs around children in a way I’ve never been able to find quite the right words for.
When I share that I’m not having children, I’m far too often met with the deeply unsettling response of, “well you have to at least try!” As though we are discussing ordering a new ice cream favor, a purchase that you can return, or accepting a new job or business venture. (Though there would actually be more discussion about the latter than having children as you pointed out, despite employment or your career path not being permanent.)
These days that response mostly comes from strangers or temporary acquaintances, so the simple yet powerful response of, “no, they are permanent independent people” will now be at the ready.
Absolutely. I get similar responses from people outside of my close circle. I love to remind people that it's a permanent decision nobody should be convinced, coerced, or talked into making. "No does not mean convince me" applies here as well!